A Short Story

Fifteen years ago, almost to the day, a young woman was walking around her new college campus, headed to the cafeteria with a new friend. As they walked along the path, in front of the building named Baker, they ran into another young woman and a young man who were friends of this girl's new friend. They had gone to High School together and had no idea that they were all three going to the same college as well. They talked and had a lot of fun laughing over the surprise when this young friend decided to introduce the young unknown to her other two friends. They met and talked for a little while. Eventually, this young woman began running into this same young man. And, as time led on, their simple acquaintance began to develop into a friendship as their groups of friends began to intermingle and merge. Three years later, after a terrible (yet silly) argument, the group of friends began to splinter off and find new friendships. But this same young woman and young man continued on with their friendship, which began to deepen until a point where they would call each other "best friend" and knew each other well enough to be able to sit on their beds in their dorm rooms on the opposite sides of the campus, watching the same TV show and calling the other person so quickly at each commercial break that often the phone was just "connected" and neither side's phone ever rang and neither knew which of them actually made the initial call. A semester later, this young girl professed her newfound and developing crush on this young man. And this young man said, "Ummm...OK" and drove away. Not one to be ignored, this young woman decided to be conniving to get her man and eventually won his heart. After a few more conniving (yet imaginative) moments, she finally found a ring upon her finger on the steps along the sidewalk where this young man and this young woman first met. A few months later, they were married. And 11 years later, almost to the day, this young woman still marvels at the fact that she grew up wanting to marry her best friend and so many years later found her fairy tale dreams coming true.

There was something a little quirky about this young man you should probably know. He wasn't a typical young man. His dorm room wasn't trashed like every other college man's room. It was neat and clean and dusted every day. The girl found that she actually like that - especially because her room more closely resembled the normal man's trashed room. But there was something else she liked because it gave her a great opportunity to tease said young man. It was the funny bedspread on his hard-mattress-on-a-wooden-board dorm room bed. It was covered in Mickey-heads. And funnier still were all the other Mickey-head decorations scattered throughout the room. Like I said before, not your typical college-age young man's room, but something that gave a whiff of the personality of the young man who never really wanted to grow up in his spirit. And while that may be a deterrent for other young women, this young woman later grew up and realized that this small whiff made him the ideal father for several young preschool children because he could giggle with them as they watched cartoons, and he could come up with the most imaginative games to entertain his kids, and could dream up the most amazing preschool songs to teach his children how to spell their very long and difficult first names.

But as all young men and young women eventually have to do, especially after finding themselves upon the path of marriage and adulthood, they found that they had to grow up. And their lives got a little bit harder. And their sweet, gentle spirits with one another began to turn into something angry and bitter. They had to work all day and their tiredness changed their moods. They no longer wanted to play as they began to feel the to-do lists growing. And then children came along and life got harder. They learned that they didn't like each other in the middle of the night as their small offspring was screaming through the night. Their schedules grew from just being a work schedule with a weekend free at home, to a schedule full of "stuff" taking more and more of their precious hours away from one another. And the reality of funding this young family began to take a toll and they made unwise decisions that would force them to pay a greater price as the years went by.

And then this young mother found white hairs upon her head. And began to look up and realized that her firstborn was suddenly no longer a young child and was quickly hurtling towards young adolescence. And the first whiffs of womanhood began to appear and this young mother began to feel a great sense of loss. She again looked around and saw that the little baby boy she had always relied on to remain a baby was trying to follow in his sister's footsteps and sprout his own wings. He was starting to get a little taller, talk a little better, and his sweet round baby face was starting to grow long and begin to take on the appearance of a young boy. And this young mother began to cry.

She cried for days (pausing to work, clean up messes, and take care not to neglect the schedule). and then one day she opened her email inbox and saw a new email. It was adorned with that same sweet Mickey-head that had been plastered in her young man's dorm room so many, many years ago. And she felt a little tug at her heart. But the reality of finances was all too bleak and she closed out her email and moved on with life. But that sweet little image of that sweet little Mickey-head just would not go away. So she opened the email a few more times just to take a glimpse. And then one day, she got another email with a newsletter she had signed up for a year ago just to win the prize of a link to cheaper tickets from the last family trip they had taken last year. And the talk of that famous Mickey-head, followed by a link to a preferred travel agent, made that young woman's heart perk up just a little bit. Shyly and with a giggle, she jokingly sent off an online request for a free, no-obligation quote with that code from the previous Mickey-head email that had promised a very good deal.

And then one day the appointed Travel Agent responded...with an even bigger deal than that that sweet Mickey-head email from a few months ago. And then one day that sweet, graying-haired young woman shyly spoke those tempting words. She mentioned the free, no-obligation quote and that young man, who is now 33 years old and yet so easy to tempt with his favorite Mickey-head, suddenly got an idea. They had taken a family vacation previously where this young family had been surrounded by more family that they loved and missed frequently. Growing wiser and making smarter decisions had given them a little extra spending money for this vacation which had actually gone unused. And this little extra spending money, when put with a little other money tucked away for various reasons somehow managed to add up to more than what was needed from this free, no-obligation quote. And this young couple began to giggle. And they began to plot deviously and allowed their imaginations to run wild. And this giggle began to turn into a laugh. And this hardworking and yet very tired young couple began to feel a little loose and free and realized that maybe this would be a small opportunity which, although it would come with a frown by their favorite financial wisdom guru, enable this young family to drop their load for just a little bit. They dreamed up four days where there were no schedules save for a few reservations to a few restaurants where their young children would be entertained and fed beyond their wildest imaginations. And this young couple began to dream of four days where they would be shuttled around and graciously taken care of and entertained in a land known for being the happiest place on earth. And their minds filled up with visions of their young offspring filled with smiles and giggles, and days where they could just spend time together as a young family with no worries and no cares. And when this young couple realized they could do it financially without going into debt (which would make our favorite financial wisdom guru smile just a little bit), well, that just put the deal into concrete stone. So they paid their deposit to their new favorite travel agent and, for the next few months, will spend each day going to bed with heads full of sweet Mickey-head dreams. They will still keep their schedule, but spend the car-driven moments filled with talk of dreams of what they will do and see.

So, from October 17-21, don't be surprised if this young family drops out of view and is nowhere to be seen or heard. Because they're just spending a few days being surrounded by their favorite Mickey-heads and filling their spirits up with childhood joy and light-hearted laughter. They're off enjoying a few days full of no worries or concerns and simply enjoying being this sweet young family full of dreams and happiness.

Imagination

I enjoy watching my kids. More specifically, I enjoy watching my kids use their imaginations. I love watching Will put on Ann Catherine's life vest upside down to turn it into a gun holster (you know, turning his pointy-finger toy into a gun since we don't allow him to have play guns!). I love seeing Ann Catherine playing on the floor with her dolls and trying to figure out the story line running through her mind.

And this weekend, I absolutely loved watching Ann Catherine turn herself into Cinderella with her Cinderella headband (from her 4 year old Cinderella play outfit she can't fit into anymore), her "glass" slippers, and her beautiful, blue princess dress. (Anyone recognize the dress?)

I also loved watching Will empty my laundry basket to turn it into a house for all of his toys as he played on my bedroom floor next to me while I was lying sick in bed. What a joy to watch his mind churning as his toys fought and shot imaginary guns.

One of the things I've learned in my parenting class is to enjoy and celebrate my kids and their imaginations - to let their minds run free and to become a "yes" home where they can explore their imaginations and create their own games and stories and arts. Even if it means more clean-up for me, how rewarding it is to see their minds fill with ideas and to see their excitement as they explore and play with their imaginations running wild. What a way to celebrate childhood.

PRAISE!

Just a small update but I wanted to let everyone know that my mother-in-law was finally offered a full-time job this morning! What a huge blessing and relief to everyone. Brian said he could hear the joy in his mom's voice.

So now we need to pray for a job for Brian's dad!

And while you're at it, please pray for my "friend's" baby, Stellan. He's the little one I've requested prayer for several times on here who has had heart problems since before his birth. I've been a huge fan of his mom's blog and have been reading it since a few weeks before his birth, when the doctors were still fairly certain he would not make it more than a few hours after his birth. He not only made it, but he's getting ready to turn nine months old in a few days. Anyway, his heart took a bad turn this weekend and things were really bad yesterday. Today, they're preparing to fly him to Boston to have a surgery that has rarely been done on a child his age and will lead to a pacemaker. They knew that they'd have to do the surgery someday but were hoping they could at least hold off until he was four years old. Now they know that they can't wait that long. So please be praying for him and feel free to keep updated through her blog.

A Vacation in My Mind

I didn't intentionally disappear this week - it just happened. This has been the craziest week I have had in a very long time and I'm ready for the roller coaster to end (which, apparently, my body is going to take care of for me).

We made it home safely from vacation Sunday afternoon. Vacation itself was wonderful with a beautiful lake house in Michigan and a visit to the beach on Lake Michigan. I'm such a sucker for a beach - even if it is just on a very large lake. My favorite highlights of the week, though? Spending time with my feet propped up in a chair next to the lake, reading People magazines while my children played happily on the sand in front of me; finally getting the time to scrapbook our family's vacation to Disney last year; getting the chance to laugh hysterically as the whole family played games at night; and getting the chance to spend a week with my grandparents and brand-new niece. It was wonderful.

However, this week has totally made my shoulders tighten with tension yet again. It's normal for my life to be a little crazy returning from vacation since I always come back to a stack of work from the previous week. But I was a little crazy when I also agreed to help teach VBS all week in the evenings following work this week. I left my crazy work day to run to daycare, pick up kids, and eat dinner in the car as we sped off to church. We were there every night this week until a little after 9:00, making it about 9:30 before we made it home each night. Given all that, I think it's safe to say everyone in the family is a little exhausted.

So I totally need off the crazy roller coaster I've been on all week. Unfortunately, I think my body is going to personally grant my wish. A slightly sore throat I started feeling late Wednesday got worse last night and the fresh white spots for strep popped up early this morning. I would've skipped work and headed to the doctor but the other girl in the office with me was out today for her own vacation so I was the only one who would be running the office for the day. No subs for me. So I headed to work and convinced myself that my throat was fine (minus maybe one funny looking possible canker sore on the right side of my throat). Unfortunately, that funny looking canker sore seems to have spread through the rest of my throat tonight so I'll be headed to the local walk-in clinic tomorrow.

But all of this is OK. I've also had a blissful vacation in my mind all week. That was my bright spot for the week. After making the decision that our family needed to try our own separate vacation next year (we haven't had our own family vacation ever - not in the almost 11 years we've been married), we had so much fun dreaming with the kids in the car on the way home Sunday night. All four of us talked about where we'd love to go and what we wanted to do. We finally narrowed it down to two places - the beach or Disney. Of course, the kids made the executive decision for us. I'll give you one guess where we're headed next year.

The fun thing, though, is that we've all been vacationing in our minds all week. OK, I confess - I've vacationed more than the rest of us. We've dreamed of the rides we wanted to ride again. The kids dreamed of the characters they wanted to see again. I even made my own decision to make sure to get my picture made with Cinderella (my favorite princess) and Mary Poppins (my favorite "other" Disney character). We decided that, next year, we were even going to stay on property. So all week long, we've pulled out our Disney guides and looked online to dream away of the places we wanted to go and the things we wanted to see. And even though we're not there yet, I've discovered that part of the Disney Magic must include all the time you spend dreaming in preparation for your trip.

Of course, now we're so Disney-psychotic that we're suddenly starting to dream about annual passes! Hhmmm...I wonder how many trips we'd have to make to actually "save" some money on that decision? And I wonder how I'm going to be able to concentrate on anything between now and next summer.

Not Good

The words no mom ever wants to hear a day before leaving on vacation: "Yep, it's strep!" Yep, we got that news today. And the weird thing is that the news, even though it was received because we were there specifically to get him tested for it, really was a huge surprise.

Let me tell you this kid has not acted sick once this week. The only and one clue: First thing in the morning and just before going to bed, he'd casually say, "My throat hurts. I need to go to the doctor." The rest of the day, if you asked him if his throat or ears were hurting, he would shake his head and keep on playing.

I first remember him announcing his throat hurt on Sunday morning. I asked about his ears, checked for a fever, looked at his throat with a flashlight, looked for the inevitable runny nose and saw nothing, and then he was off and running. Oh yeah, we went to church.

And Monday morning, he announced yet again that his throat hurt and he needed to go to the doctor. But again, no fever, no red throat, no ears hurting, no runny nose, nothing. So, he went to daycare.....all week long.

Granted, he screamed and kicked all the way home on Monday because he insisted on seeing the doctor. But I thought that was more because he heard his sister announce that she had seen the doctor that morning and he was jealous and wanted to go too. And so I ignored the temper tantrum. Maybe I shouldn't have. But then again, he threw the exact same temper tantrum the rest of the week because he wanted to go on "cation" (his word for vacation) to his Mina and Parker's house. So I ignored it. Again, though, no fever, no red throat, no red ears, yada yada yada.

Yesterday, though, I got a call from Will's teacher at daycare. She called because she was getting ready to leave for the day and wanted to make sure I heard that he had complained twice of a sore throat all day. She said she hadn't worried about it either (for the same reasons) but she suddenly started worrying when she found out that his best friend in the room, the little boy he has basically grown up with and followed from room to room to room from the time they were eight weeks old and to whom he's basically attached to the hip, had gone to the doctor that morning and had been diagnosed with strep.

Ummm...those aren't words you want to hear either the day before you leave on "cation."

I walked up and down the halls to my office, trying to figure out if I really needed to take him to the doctor. I wanted to be cautious and protect my new six-month little niece and my 80 year-old grandparents. But I've done this before. I've played the role of overprotective, overworrying mom who tried to play medical detective and paid that $25 copay just to have the pediatrician look at me with a smile and say, "No, it's only a small cold. It will pass in a few days." I hate those words. I feel like I failed. I feel like the doctor's office is laughing at that overprotective, overworrying mama. And I really hate kissing that $25 copay goodbye just because not a thing was wrong.

I finally gave in and called the doctor's office to make an appointment for first thing this morning. Of course, on the way home, I asked Will if his throat was hurting and he just shook his head and said, "No. It's not hurting." He said it again all night last night too. I took him anyway because, darn it, I had the appointment.

Ummm...yeah. It's strep. And while I'm thrilled I guessed right for once in my life, I want to know why in the world a 3 year old boy gets to get strep and run around like he has not a care in the world with joy and glee, while my one and only bout of strep (beyond the few I can't remember in my own childhood), left me lying in bed and begging God to just take me now. I wanted death to come and QUICKLY. It's so not fair. It's also so not fair that God blessed me with children who frequently have common illness without all the normal symptoms. You know, we've seen a rash up and down AC's arm that turned out to be strep (no fever, no sore throat, just a weird rash). We've taken AC to the doctor because of a stomach complaint just to find out the poor child had strep and pneumonia at the same time! And this isn't the first time Will has had a symptom-less bout of strep. The last time that happened I had taken him to the doctor because his voice sounded funny. Now you tell me, aren't these weird children!!! No wonder I have to second-guess and pace up and down the hallway before making a decision to take either child to the doctor!

So I need to close this email out with a word of reassurance in case my family is reading this post before they see me tomorrow. Please don't worry. According to my pediatrician (whom I love dearly and trust implicitly because she doesn't laugh too hard at my failed guesses), 6 month-old babies are too young to get strep. So my sweet little neice is safe. And he will be completely non-contagious by Saturday morning so my 80 year grandparents are completely safe since it will be late mid to late Saturday before my son comes anywhere near you. As for the rest of my family who will see him before his fourth dose of medicine on Saturday morning, ummmm, you might not want to share any food or drinks with him tomorrow night. And I probably wouldn't kiss him on the mouth. And you may not want to hug him too closely. We love you too much to want you to get a symptom-less bout of strep.

Random Ramblings

First of all, I want to thank everyone who was so sweet to give me their words of wisdom for Ann Catherine's bullying problem. Your comments gave me some great ideas and made me feel so much better about the situation. We've been able to talk to her and have helped her find words that she can say that are not threatening or angry in return, but to say polite things to enable her to walk away. We've really built up the whole "walk away" idea since that is what she has been taught at school and I think it's really helped build her confidence a little bit. She never made it to daycare on Monday (long story) but she went yesterday and said that the girl was very nice to her and actually fought with Ann Catherine's little stalker boyfriend (another long, yet hysterical, story) over who was going to get to play with Ann Catherine. Before leaving daycare yesterday, we did talk to the daycare director to give her a heads-up but made sure she understood that we weren't asking for intervention from her or any of the teachers just yet. We explained that we were trying to use this as a teaching tool for her to build up her confidence and self-esteem and to teach her that there are going to be some problems in life that she will have to fight on her own. So far, so good.

Off to the other tangent. I thought Brian and I were majorly ready for vacation next week. Apparently, we're not nearly as desperate for vacation as our son is. Actually, to be more specific, he's desperate to see his Parker and Mina and Rachel and Piper. No offense to the rest of my family, but those are the four people he has been screaming to see for the last few days. The odd thing is that we've purposefully avoided talking too much about vacation because Will has such a hard time understanding the whole idea of WAITING and understanding why he can't just go NOW. He must have sensed something, though, because he woke up Sunday morning, looked at me and said, "Where's Parker?" I questioned what he meant and he said, "Where's Parker and Mina?" The whole time he's looking around the room for them. When I told them that they were at their house, he started crying and said, "But I want to play with Parker! Where's Parker and Mina? Where's Rachel and Piper?" He then walked out to the living room to look for all of them. Apparently he was having an all-too-realistic dream! Anyway, ever since then, he has begged us multiple times throughout the day to take him to go see Parker so he can go play with him. This morning, he begged to go to Mina and Parker's house and got mad when our car suddenly landed at daycare. This is going to be a very long remaining three days!

A New Challenge

Our family is facing a challenge. Well, more specifically, Ann Catherine and I are facing a challenge: bullying.

Now that she is getting closer and closer to those pre-teen years, I've noticed that kids are starting to get more critical and, well, just plain mean. And, for some reason, Ann Catherine seems to be a good target. Maybe all kids are good targets. But I suspect that her shyness and somewhat social awkwardness may be making her a prime target. The problem is that she doesn't know how to respond. She just gets really hurt and really upset.

We had a bullying problem at school last year. For some reason, a little girl targeted her and would make fun of her, argue with her, and belittle her as much as possible. And Ann Catherine wouldn't tell anyone because of her fear that somehow, someway, she would be the one in trouble. When it finally hit a breaking point as she rode home in tears, she finally told me what was going on. I immediately contacted her teacher who resolved it immediately. And, oddly enough, by the end of the year, the two girls somehow became friends - kind of.

But now we're dealing with another bully. The funny thing (if this was funny at all) is though, this bully is small. She's heading into 1st grade and she's MUCH smaller than Ann Catherine. She's also an absolute princess when adults are around, giving Ann Catherine hugs and being so sweet and kind. But when their backs are turned, apparently the talons come out.

So here's my problem. My first instinct is to call the daycare director and let her resolve the situation like Ann Catherine's teacher did last year. And yet, I keep hearing the words of some moms from my summer women's Bible study rattling around in my head. They keep saying things about power. Bullies want power. They abuse power. And your child, by allowing it to happen, ultimately gives them that power. And I trust these moms. This Bible study that I'm taking is a really awesome parenting Bible study and they have purposefully broken us up into small groups with moms of kids of all ages. And I'm learning A LOT from these women who already have the pre-teens and the real teens (and older). These Thursday nights have been filled with so much Godly parenting wisdom for me and I will forever be grateful for what I'm learning.

As I keep thinking about their words, I realize that maybe calling the teacher isn't the wisest option just yet. Obviously if things get worse and she's being physically hurt, then I'll address it. But really, as small as this girl is, I'm starting to think she's just blowing a lot of smoke and this is a good opportunity for Ann Catherine to learn how to stand up for herself. She needs to know how to fight back - not with her hands, obviously, but with her words, with her actions, with her reactions. She asked me this morning if I was going to talk to her teacher today and, even though I wanted to say yes, deep down I really felt like I needed to say no. So I told her no. I told her that I wanted her to try to walk away (like her guidance counselors taught them last year at school - something she remembered as we were discussing the problem last night). I wanted her to stand up for herself, to remember that she was bigger and older, and to not let this girl have power over her. I told her I wanted her to try ignoring her and simply walking away. I wanted her to find her other friends and play with them instead.

I'm recognizing the fact that one day I will not be able to fight her battles for her. The first chapter in our Bible study is learning how to let go - letting them go and grow into their own independence from us and total dependence on God. And so I know she has to learn how to fight her battles. And I'm realizing that this might be one time where God just wants me to let her go and let her grow. So that's what I'm doing. I'm letting her go and just simply watching to see where I can help her without actually handling the problem myself.

So here's where I need your help. I need your own wisdom. I need your thoughts and your suggestions. You don't even have to be a mom yet to give me your suggestions (Rachel). I know you've learned from your own experiences. And for those who don't have accounts where they can easily log in and leave a comment, I've changed my blog settings to where you can comment anonymously (Mom - in other words where you don't have to log in to leave a comment - you just have to type). In other words, I really want to hear from you. I'm learning to learn wisdom from the women I'm surrounded by. And I really would love to hear what you think I should do or what you think I should suggest Ann Catherine try. Because I'm convinced God has put all of you in my life so that I can learn from you as I'm teaching Ann Catherine to learn from me.