I am so Burdened; and yet so Blessed

My heart is full right now and all I want to do is go home, cry, and spend the rest of the day on my knees in prayer. If it didn't require taking vacation time to do it then I'd seriously consider it. I guess it just means spending my weekend on my knees in prayer instead. This time, though, I'm not on my knees for myself. Instead, I'm on my knees for so many other people that I care so much about. I'm surrounded by too many hurting people this week and I'm wondering right now exactly what God wants from me more than just my prayers.

On Tuesday morning, one of my best friends found out that her husband lost his job. And as newlyweds, I know that, financially, this is not a good place to be in - not for their budget or their marriage. I've walked those shoes before and they are not easy to walk in. So, my heart is full for them.

On Tuesday afternoon, I received an e-mail from another one of my best friends telling me that she's been through so much pain emotionally in the last two years that she's finally reached a point where she needs a psychiatrist. I've walked those shoes one too many times myself. I not only feel so bad for the pain she's going through right now, but I feel bad because I know that I've neglected our friendship over the years. My heart is so full for her right now.

On Wednesday night, I found out that a friend Brian and I had met at a marriage retreat a year or so ago is eight month pregnant with a baby who is not expected to live once she's born. They're doing a c-section in a couple of weeks in hopes of at least keeping the baby alive through the birthing process. I've never walked those shoes before and I hope I never will, but my heart is still so full for her.

Today, I found out that a very dear co-worker of mine just got a call from his wife. She was five-weeks pregnant with their first child and had gone in for her first check-up only to find out that she had a miscarriage. His heart is breaking for his wife and I know her heart is broken as well. And my heart is so full for them.

I sat in my car and cried all the way home Wednesday night. I just had to go sit in my car just now again to compose myself yet again because all I wanted to do was cry. I'm not at all crying for me. But I'm so broken for them. I care so much about all of these people and to see them so broken and full of grief, sorrow, and pain makes my heart hurt so bad for them. And all I want to do is spend my day on my knees crying and praying for them.

In return, though, I am overwhelmed by my blessings. With each one of these new prayer requests so heavily laid on my heart, I am so quickly reminded of what I'm NOT having to go through. I have a healthy family where our worst concern is an occasional ear infection. I have a loving husband who isn't perfect but still loves me despite my own imperfections. I have two BEAUTIFUL children whom I love to the point of my heart bursting. I have a relationship with my parents and sisters most people only dream of. I'm in a church I love where I have found a place to serve. I'm in a job I love and can't wait to go to every day. We struggle financially but we still pay our bills every month and we can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm exhausted from working full-time and playing single mom part-time but we still manage to get through the days without any major catastrophes. I have friends that, though I neglect them often, still love me the same. I AM SO BLESSED!!! My favorite quote from Max Lucado is "Measure the Gifts of God. Collect your Blessings. Catalog His Kindness. Assemble your Reasons for Gratitude and Recite Them." He then goes on to quote 1 Thess. 5:16-18 (NCV): "Always be joyful. Pray continually, and give thanks whatever happens. That is what God wants for you in Christ Jesus." I have that saved as the backdrop on my computer so I can read it every time my day seems to turn sour or I'm in the wrong mood or frame of mind.

Please help me carry these people in prayer. They need prayer so badly. But also, please be in prayer for me as well. My heart hurts so much for these people and I'm trying to figure out how God wants me to minister to these people. I feel strongly that He's given me a task in all this. For a couple of these people, I'm fairly certain that they aren't saved and I'm starting to recognize that He wants me to just show His love and speak His name and show them that they have Someone who can help them carry their burdens. So please pray for me as I try a task that I've never felt comfortable doing. But I've read a line in a book recently that said something about the fact that God can use a stumbling tongue more than He can use a silent one. So I'm trying to offer my very stumbling tongue and be the tool that He is calling me to be.

One more thing to pray for and I hope you don't mind. God is changing me. He's trying to do a total transformation of me and my personality to mold me into the person He wants me to become. The problem is that I'm having to change the person I have been for 32 years and, even though I recognize who He's wanting me to become, getting there is the hardest thing I have ever had to do before. I told Brian Wednesday night as I was driving home that I feel like a caterpillar wrapped tightly in a cocoon and, knowing that it's time to emerge into the beautiful creation He wants me to be, but feeling so tightly wrapped up in this awful shell and struggling so hard to break free and begin trying out my new wings. So pray for me as I struggle. God wants me to be something I'm not naturally but this new being is so beautifully laid out in His Word so I know it's where I need to head.

So thank you for your prayers, although I apologize if your heart is now full too.

Our First Snow!!

OK - so it wasn't really our "first" snow but it was definitely the largest snow we've had all winter! This past Friday, it started snowing about the time we got home and it didn't stop till somewhere in the middle of the night. We ended up with a little over 3 inches. OK - for you people (which includes just about everyone in my family), where 3 inches sounds miniature just remember that we're in TENNESSEE where we get ice and an occasional little spurt of snow which never measures more than an inch and that's about it. So, we're happy for what we can get - especially if it happens over a weekend where we don't have to worry about getting in our cars for any reason! Anyway, Brian had promised the kids that he'd help them build a snowman if it ever snowed here and they finally got their chance Saturday morning. So, I've included all the pictures for everyone to enjoy! And I'm sure you'll especially enjoy knowing that Will was wearing blue socks on his hands since we couldn't locate his gloves (we haven't needed them all winter!). And, I'm sure everyone will enjoy Brian's attempt at making a snowman. We don't keep the prerequisite carrot and coal on hand so we had to improvise. We put in some black jellybeans! Well, that's what the eyes are. By the time we got to the mouth, Brian realized that they tend to melt (?) on the snow so he just drew in the mouth and buttons. We all had so much fun! And I'm glad we went out when we did because it was all pretty much gone by Saturday night.

She's a Free Girl!

Well Ann Catherine finally is free from her cast! Actually, they took off the cast two weeks ago but kept her in a soft brace for the past two weeks. She went back to the orthopedic specialist yesterday and he told her it was time to take that off as well! So she's now a free woman! (Well, girl.) She was a very happy girl last night and was waving her arms around to show her daddy when he came home. And she's even decided to return to writing with her right hand even though she had threatened to keep writing with her left hand. Honestly, though, I can't really tell too much of a difference in the writing between the two hands! So I guess she's now officially ambidextrous (with a leaning towards her right hand).

Playing Catch-Up

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted anything but I wanted to include pictures of all that is happening and haven't been able to get the pictures I needed until today. So, hence, we have a hodge-podge of pictures but I'm sure you'll still enjoy them regardless. The first two are pictures of Ann Catherine's baptism, the second two are from Will's birthday (Julie - recognize the sweater?), and the last two are of Ann Catherine's artwork now hanging at the Frist Art Museum. How exciting my world has been lately! I'm personally hoping to get back to the Frist soon! The new art exhibit started today that included Monet, Picasso, Van Gogh, Degas and several other of my favorites and it's just way beyond cool that my daughter's artwork is hanging in the same museum at the same time! WOW!!

A Week of Events

This has been a very interesting week. First Ann Catherine broke her arm on Sunday and then it snowed on Wednesday. Ann Catherine was walking down some stairs at church on Sunday night and missed a stair and fell, breaking her arm. Amanda and I thought that she sprang it, so we weren't too concerned. Then as the swelling went down, we noticed that it did not look right. We took her to the ER and found out that she broke it. She is now in a nice pink cast. She loves it and has tons of signatures on it. Then on Wednesday it snowed at the house. Take a look, see it does snow some in Tennessee.

She's a Brownie!

Well I am so proud of Ann Catherine! I'm always proud of her but this weekend, I was especially proud of her. Friday night was her Girl Scout induction ceremony. That's where she had to say the pledge and get her pin to become a REAL Brownie! I was stressed out all day because I knew Brian had to work, which meant I had to keep Will under control while trying to convince Ann Catherine that she really could get up in front of all of these parents and say her pledge and whatever else was required of her. We were late (as usual) getting there, so we walked in to a room full of people. Her troop leader called all the girls up as soon as we got seated, which gave Ann Catherine no time to take a deep breath and argue with me that she wasn't going to be able to do this. She looked at me with a very stricken face, but took off her jacket and marched up there. And would you believe, that girl did it!! All the girls said the pledge together. Then, they individually had to come up to the troop leader and tell why they were there and then the leader did a little chant while turning them around which I vaguelly remembered from my Girl Scout days and had her look in a mirror and say who she saw ("ME!" - Does this sound familiar to anyone else?). Believe it or not, she actually walked up to her leader when it came her turn and quietly said why she was there. But when it came time for her to say "Me," she said it loudly and clearly and almost like she was a little surprised to really see her face in there! Anyway, they pinned her and announced that she was a real Brownie now! I am so proud of that girl!

Sorry I don't have any pictures of it. Ann Catherine was wonderful but Will was a BEAR! He was quiet, but wouldn't stay on my lap and kept wanting to go get the wall full of snacks that we just happened to sit down next to. He saw food and that's all his little mind could think of. So, needless to say, my hands were too full to take pictures.

Does this look familiar?

Ann Catherine had a homework assignment that we loved yesterday. They have been studying different countries in the past couple of weeks and her homework was to find something in her home that was made in another country. What better house than mine for that task!! Anyway, this was Brian's suggestion and we had to take a picture and post it for everyone to see. I think what hit me the most is that Ann Catherine is now almost the same age as I was when I went to Korea. WOW! Anyway, we thought you'd enjoy the picture!