Oh, Happy Day!

Ok, so I'm tearing up just writing this update. But, trust me, they're only tears of joy. Last night, my sweet little girl decided that she wanted to be a Christian. Actually, I think she decided a long time ago that she was ready but her fear of having to make a public profession of faith in front of our church has always held her back. Sure enough, last night, as I was driving the two kids home after our church's Fall Festival, Ann Catherine suddenly burst into tears. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was scared to tell me. Of course, I'm thinking that she's had an accident or has to go to the bathroom and knows I'll be upset if I have to turn around and go back to Nanny & Pappy's house. But she surprised me! She finally admitted that she was scared to tell me that she wanted to be a Christian. I knew this day would come and have prayed for it since she was born but I never dreamed that last night would be the night. So I said a quick prayer for strength and words and went on to talk to her about why she was scared to tell me that. She said she wasn't scared to be a Christian. She was only scared of having to go to the front of the church. So, I talked to her about the fact that I'd walk with her and stay with her the whole time. She calmed down a lot after hearing that so I started to ask her about why she wanted to make this decision and asking her questions to find out how much she understood about what it meant. After talking to her, I knew she was ready. However, I felt a little weird about leading her in prayer while trying to drive the car! So I told her that as soon as we got home, we'd sit down and talk some more and then she could pray and ask God in her heart.

As soon as we got home, I changed Will into PJs and had Ann Catherine change as well. And then Satan decided to worm his way in. All of a sudden, I was filled with fear that I wouldn't have the right words and that her prayer to God wouldn't include the right things and I'd sabotage my own child's salvation. So I started praying once again and suddenly remembered a book Julie sent Ann Catherine last year when she started asking questions. It's a little book for children about salvation and includes the prayer of salvation. So I dug that out of all of her books and it turned out to be such a blessing - not because I was still afraid of giving her the wrong words. Instead, it was a blessing because it was written with words she could actually read! God's timing was written all over this event because a year ago I'd have to read all of it to her and hope she'd understand. Last night, I realized that, with the exception of a couple words here and there, she could actually read it all on her own! So she read through the book and we talked about each page and how it was describing sin and how it separates us from God and what it meant when Jesus died on the cross for us. She was so excited because she got it! She knew all that and understood all that! And the neat thing is that, once again, God's timing was ALL OVER this event! Brian walked in the door from a night of working at Cracker Barrell, just as we turned to the last page where it has the prayer of salvation. He was in tears but was able to watch and listen as his daughter prayed to receive Christ! What a precious memory for both us to have.

And there's one more thing to share. I had one other thought which popped up this morning as I was driving to work. I led my daughter to the Lord last night. Twenty-five years ago, my mother did the exact same thing with me. What a legacy to have and my tears of joy over the sweetness of it all are just spilling over right now.

Circus Time!

Sunday afternoon, three members of our family had a terrific "first" experience. We went to the circus! Believe it or not, my husband has never been to a circus before so this was a first for even him. Someone was kind enough to give us four free tickets to the local Shriner's circus and we chose to go Sunday afternoon. The kids (and even my husband) had a ball! Will loved to watch the clowns but as soon as one came up to talk to him, he decided he wasn't too crazy about them and kept saying "no, no". The clown laughed and said, "That's my cue to back away." Ann Catherine was terrified of the clowns until that one came up to talk to them. After he left, she turned around and told her daddy that she decided she liked them after all. Weird children - they always seem to do the opposite of what I expect!!

Anyway, we saw the clowns, the motorcycles in the ball (they actually shrunk the metal ball and now have 4 motorcycles in them - it was amazing!), the jugglers, the lion tamer with lots of tigers and one lion, the dog tricks, the horse show, etc. Ann Catherine was most impressed by the contortionist woman; she decided she had no bones in her body!! Will loved to watch but started getting bored after a while (which I expected). He even decided to amuse himself by pitching his pacifier a couple times. Luckily, the first time it landed on the seat in front of us. The nice man in front handed it back. After that, Will decided it didn't go far enough and PITCHED it!!! It landed across the aisle and about 8 rows up. Very fortunately for us, it was during the intermission so no one was in the seat where it landed. I'd hate for Brian to have to get into a fight with someone who just got beaned in the head by a pacifier!! Even though it was just intermission, we decided it was time to go home. We had already been there almost two hours and we had no idea how much longer it would last past the intermission break!! All in all, though, it was a great experience. However, I have to admit I felt a little sadness. I was expecting the glitz and glamor and shiny, new sparkle that I remember from the circuses I went to in my childhood. This time, though, to me, the whole thing looked shabby and worn out. All the sets and props were very old and the tricks were all the same (minus the added motorcycles in the ball!). I'm not sure if it was because it was a Shriner's circus or if maybe that's the way it has always been and, seeing it with childlike eyes, the excitement "glittered" it up. Who knows? All I know is that what I enjoyed the most about the whole experience was just watching the faces of my children as they experienced their first circus. What a joy that was!

Nascar Fan!!

It's now official - I'm a NASCAR Fan!! Don't get me wrong - I'm not obssessed. I just found out that I really enjoy it! Sunday, our company's president took me and two of my co-workers/friends to the Talladega SuperSpeedway to watch the NASCAR race. I went in really only knowing minimal stuff about the "sport" (mainly from my friend Kristie) but walked away just loving it. As soon as those drivers started their engines and all the noise started, I fell in love! Of course, I'm sure it'll be like any other sport where I can't stand to watch it on TV so I guess I'll just have to start dragging my husband to a couple races every year. I'm sure he's THRILLED to hear this news! :-)

Contest: First one to figure out whose car we're standing in front of in the picture gets a prize! (And Stephanie and Becky are not eligible!)

Sad News

It is with a sad and heavy heart that I must give you this bad news: My son has lost all of his curls. Well, he didn't exactly lose them - they were just cut off. Yes, the day finally arrived for his first hair cut. My mother-in-law and I took him to see Ms. Penny for the first time on Saturday because the poor child was starting to look way too girly and pretty when Ann Catherine puts her hair bows in his hair. So, we decided it was time for his first hair cut. I'm sad to report that all his pretty curls in the back are gone. But on the positive and very happy side, he looks WONDERFUL!! And he looks sweeter than ever. He was such a big boy and sat in my lap the whole time she cut his hair. He never once cried or tried to get away and he just sat quietly, waiting on her to finish. Granted, he looked a little confused - especially because Ms. Penny and I were working so hard to save every one of those curls to put in his baby book. But he did so well. And, hopefully, I'll remember to go home tonight and take a picture so that I can actually post it on the blog. Sorry I haven't done that yet but I did want to break the news. Of course, the other good news is that Ms. Penny looked very carefully at his hair once it was done and said that his curls would return so we have that to look forward to sometime in the near future!

Ann Catherine's Big Night!

Ann Catherine had a fun-first on Friday. She got to go to her first GA sleepover! And, as her lucky mom, I got to go too!! Actually, it wasn't my first GA sleepover since I used to go when I taught GA's, but that was before Ann Catherine was out of diapers. But, I'm now older and much more tired from my very rambunctious little 20 month old. But we both managed to have fun. We got to hear from a woman who took a mission trip to Brazil and then did activities in the gym (gotta get them tired out so they'll finally go to sleep) and then we did a small mission project by helping prepare bags of supplies needed for our Women's Ministry to put together some teddy bears to give to children in local hospitals. Ann Catherine seemed to have fun although she refused to participate in the games in the gym. Finally, at 10:30 p.m., we loaded the kids up with snacks and rolled out our beds. But the night wasn't over yet! We turned out the lights and watched a movie until 12:30 a.m.!! It was 1:00 a.m. before any of those girls got to bed!! And, believe it or not, Ann Catherine lasted until the end of the movie and even stayed up slightly later watching me chase the 4th & 5th graders who thought they'd escape down a darkened hall. Luckily, that happens every year so I purposefully posted myself next to the door in case any of them tried it since I didn't see any other leaders over there. It was fun and I know Ann Catherine loved her taste of the midnight hour. But, the thing I think the two of us enjoyed the most was just having a good mother-daughter activity without her father or pesky little brother around. I loved just being able to concentrate all my attention on her. What a privilege to enjoy every once in a while. I think next we're going to try a "date" and go paint some pottery (which should be humorous considering I don't have an artistic bone in my body!!).

The end of my pity-party

I love it when you can literally feel God's peace and love sweeping over you. Writing my blog entry yesterday was somewhat therapeutic for me because it gave me an opportunity to vent my pain. But it also made me reconsider how I "beat" my depression the first time. Living in Korea at the time, I didn't have access to antidepressents or counseling. All I had access to was my Bible and God's Love. I will never forget the day I was walking down the street in our apartment complex wallowing in my pain and I was hit with a sudden feeling of God's presence next to me telling me it was time to let it go. I realized that my pain was rooted in loneliness but I felt God telling me that I didn't have to feel lonely because He was right beside me. I realized that I was tired of feeling so sad and depressed and made a conscious decision to change my attitude and focus on inviting God to walk beside me every day. And it worked and has carried me through all these years.

Obviously with time and all the changes in my life, I have lost that focus and drive and Satan is taking it and running with it. So, last night, as I was rocking my son to sleep and finishing my talk with Mom on the phone about my blog entry, I suddenly felt at peace once again. And I honestly believe it was because there were people praying for me. I literally felt God's love wash over me once again and I felt my body relax and breath once again. How sweet is that feeling of relief!

After putting the kids to bed, I decided to read the daily entry from a devotional book my dad had given me a while ago. I had read parts of the book but hadn't read any of it lately. Yesterday's entry was written by a missionary in Asia who had terminal cancer and was filled with agony over why God would allow this to happen to her. It wasn't until she humbled herself and gave all of it - her pain, her plans, her ministry - to God that He healed her completely. And the last sentence of it grabbed my attention. She said, "I wouldn't wish what I went through on anyone, but I wouldn't trade what I have become in Him for anything." And, again, I felt His peace. I am so blessed and yet I've chosen to ignore how blessed I am because I have been so filled with self-pity. I realized last night that I have a friend whose father is dying of cancer. I have several co-workers and friends who have either lost a job or whose spouse has recently lost a job. I read stories on a daily basis of children who are abused, kidnapped, killed in accidents, or full of cancer. My parents are healthy. My husband and I both have jobs we love. My children are healthy and the worst I have to worry about with them are colds and ear infections. My loneliness and self-pity suddenly paled in comparison and I realized that I have to keep focused on my blessings to step away from my pain. So, last night, I made a list of all my blessings and, today, I woke up full of joy and full of praise for what I have. I know that I will still be attacked in the coming days and will still need prayer, but I also know that my back is a little straighter and my walk is a little lighter because I have someone walking beside me who can fill me with His peace and presence.

"I wouldn't wish what I went through on anyone, but I wouldn't trade what I have become in Him for anything."

We're under attack!

OK, we're not under attack - I am.

Satan has been attacking me personally with a venegence over the past few month. I'm tired in body, tired in spirit, depressed, frustrated, scared, and feeling incredibly overworked and overwhelmed. My to-do list is way too long and I don't even know where to begin. I'm scared about our family's financial problems. Worst still is that suddenly some of my emotions and thoughts and fears which I haven't felt since I was in high school almost 15 years ago are suddenly reappearing in my head and its causing a depression I haven't felt since high school. And that scares me the most because I don't like who I was back then. I've really tried to figure out where this is coming from and I think some of it comes from loneliness. I've changed jobs a couple times and have left behind some of my closest friends both times so I rarely see them anymore. My husband is working two jobs four nights a week and we go to church another night where we're in seperate activities so I only have my husband to talk to two nights a week. It's sad and it's really scaring me.

The good news for me personally, which manages to cheer me somewhat, is the knowledge that Satan only attacks when we're doing something right. I'm guessing that he's choosing to attack me now because I've suddenly managed to maintain a daily devotional for over a month now. I decided to rejoin my women's Bible study on Wednesday nights and I'm really enjoying the study we're doing so I've done a really good job of going through the daily study in the Bible study book. It also has me reading my Bible faithfully every morning which I could never seem to find the time for in the past. Granted, I'm putting on my makeup at the same time for the first few minutes and then I'm sitting on the toilet (with the lid down, of course) to finish up the study and pray. That may not be a very pleasing thought for some people but it's the only private place I can go in my house (and usually that's not even private but my kids happen to be asleep at the same time so they won't come barge in!). Fortunately, I don't think God cares about my choice in location. I'm hoping He's just pleased that I'm finally working hard to make room for Him on a daily basis. Unfortunately, I think Satan has taken notice and he's working hard to attack my focus and dedication. So, even though I know I normally try to fill my blog with stories of my precious children and the wonderful things they are experiencing, I'm writing today because I need prayer. Well, my family needs prayer too since they have to put up with me right now! And since I know that the only people reading my blog are the ones who care about me and my family, I know you wouldn't mind keeping us in your prayers. So, in advance, I say thank you and I love you!