Ann Catherine's Big Night!

Ann Catherine had a fun-first on Friday. She got to go to her first GA sleepover! And, as her lucky mom, I got to go too!! Actually, it wasn't my first GA sleepover since I used to go when I taught GA's, but that was before Ann Catherine was out of diapers. But, I'm now older and much more tired from my very rambunctious little 20 month old. But we both managed to have fun. We got to hear from a woman who took a mission trip to Brazil and then did activities in the gym (gotta get them tired out so they'll finally go to sleep) and then we did a small mission project by helping prepare bags of supplies needed for our Women's Ministry to put together some teddy bears to give to children in local hospitals. Ann Catherine seemed to have fun although she refused to participate in the games in the gym. Finally, at 10:30 p.m., we loaded the kids up with snacks and rolled out our beds. But the night wasn't over yet! We turned out the lights and watched a movie until 12:30 a.m.!! It was 1:00 a.m. before any of those girls got to bed!! And, believe it or not, Ann Catherine lasted until the end of the movie and even stayed up slightly later watching me chase the 4th & 5th graders who thought they'd escape down a darkened hall. Luckily, that happens every year so I purposefully posted myself next to the door in case any of them tried it since I didn't see any other leaders over there. It was fun and I know Ann Catherine loved her taste of the midnight hour. But, the thing I think the two of us enjoyed the most was just having a good mother-daughter activity without her father or pesky little brother around. I loved just being able to concentrate all my attention on her. What a privilege to enjoy every once in a while. I think next we're going to try a "date" and go paint some pottery (which should be humorous considering I don't have an artistic bone in my body!!).

The end of my pity-party

I love it when you can literally feel God's peace and love sweeping over you. Writing my blog entry yesterday was somewhat therapeutic for me because it gave me an opportunity to vent my pain. But it also made me reconsider how I "beat" my depression the first time. Living in Korea at the time, I didn't have access to antidepressents or counseling. All I had access to was my Bible and God's Love. I will never forget the day I was walking down the street in our apartment complex wallowing in my pain and I was hit with a sudden feeling of God's presence next to me telling me it was time to let it go. I realized that my pain was rooted in loneliness but I felt God telling me that I didn't have to feel lonely because He was right beside me. I realized that I was tired of feeling so sad and depressed and made a conscious decision to change my attitude and focus on inviting God to walk beside me every day. And it worked and has carried me through all these years.

Obviously with time and all the changes in my life, I have lost that focus and drive and Satan is taking it and running with it. So, last night, as I was rocking my son to sleep and finishing my talk with Mom on the phone about my blog entry, I suddenly felt at peace once again. And I honestly believe it was because there were people praying for me. I literally felt God's love wash over me once again and I felt my body relax and breath once again. How sweet is that feeling of relief!

After putting the kids to bed, I decided to read the daily entry from a devotional book my dad had given me a while ago. I had read parts of the book but hadn't read any of it lately. Yesterday's entry was written by a missionary in Asia who had terminal cancer and was filled with agony over why God would allow this to happen to her. It wasn't until she humbled herself and gave all of it - her pain, her plans, her ministry - to God that He healed her completely. And the last sentence of it grabbed my attention. She said, "I wouldn't wish what I went through on anyone, but I wouldn't trade what I have become in Him for anything." And, again, I felt His peace. I am so blessed and yet I've chosen to ignore how blessed I am because I have been so filled with self-pity. I realized last night that I have a friend whose father is dying of cancer. I have several co-workers and friends who have either lost a job or whose spouse has recently lost a job. I read stories on a daily basis of children who are abused, kidnapped, killed in accidents, or full of cancer. My parents are healthy. My husband and I both have jobs we love. My children are healthy and the worst I have to worry about with them are colds and ear infections. My loneliness and self-pity suddenly paled in comparison and I realized that I have to keep focused on my blessings to step away from my pain. So, last night, I made a list of all my blessings and, today, I woke up full of joy and full of praise for what I have. I know that I will still be attacked in the coming days and will still need prayer, but I also know that my back is a little straighter and my walk is a little lighter because I have someone walking beside me who can fill me with His peace and presence.

"I wouldn't wish what I went through on anyone, but I wouldn't trade what I have become in Him for anything."

We're under attack!

OK, we're not under attack - I am.

Satan has been attacking me personally with a venegence over the past few month. I'm tired in body, tired in spirit, depressed, frustrated, scared, and feeling incredibly overworked and overwhelmed. My to-do list is way too long and I don't even know where to begin. I'm scared about our family's financial problems. Worst still is that suddenly some of my emotions and thoughts and fears which I haven't felt since I was in high school almost 15 years ago are suddenly reappearing in my head and its causing a depression I haven't felt since high school. And that scares me the most because I don't like who I was back then. I've really tried to figure out where this is coming from and I think some of it comes from loneliness. I've changed jobs a couple times and have left behind some of my closest friends both times so I rarely see them anymore. My husband is working two jobs four nights a week and we go to church another night where we're in seperate activities so I only have my husband to talk to two nights a week. It's sad and it's really scaring me.

The good news for me personally, which manages to cheer me somewhat, is the knowledge that Satan only attacks when we're doing something right. I'm guessing that he's choosing to attack me now because I've suddenly managed to maintain a daily devotional for over a month now. I decided to rejoin my women's Bible study on Wednesday nights and I'm really enjoying the study we're doing so I've done a really good job of going through the daily study in the Bible study book. It also has me reading my Bible faithfully every morning which I could never seem to find the time for in the past. Granted, I'm putting on my makeup at the same time for the first few minutes and then I'm sitting on the toilet (with the lid down, of course) to finish up the study and pray. That may not be a very pleasing thought for some people but it's the only private place I can go in my house (and usually that's not even private but my kids happen to be asleep at the same time so they won't come barge in!). Fortunately, I don't think God cares about my choice in location. I'm hoping He's just pleased that I'm finally working hard to make room for Him on a daily basis. Unfortunately, I think Satan has taken notice and he's working hard to attack my focus and dedication. So, even though I know I normally try to fill my blog with stories of my precious children and the wonderful things they are experiencing, I'm writing today because I need prayer. Well, my family needs prayer too since they have to put up with me right now! And since I know that the only people reading my blog are the ones who care about me and my family, I know you wouldn't mind keeping us in your prayers. So, in advance, I say thank you and I love you!

Some new firsts!

Ann Catherine had a couple of firsts in her life this week. She had her first spelling test on Friday and she was finally invited to her first birthday party. Well, maybe I shouldn't say that she was invited to her first birthday party. She was invited to a friend's party this summer but it was the same weekend as our family reunion so we were out of town. She also went to another birthday party when she was three for a little boy from daycare. (Oddly enough, that's where she received her first kiss!! :-) But I'm not sure that party really counted since she was so young and remembers nothing about it. Anyway, I guess you could say that this was her first REAL birthday party with friends from school. She was so excited! They held it at a local "Jump Zone," which is basically a room full of those huge inflatable bouncy things. They had seven HUGE inflatables, including one that looked like a roller coaster and another that was about two stories tall! This was every child's dream come true. Of course, you know Ann Catherine's shyness is always a struggle between she and I and, of course, I was the one to take her to the party. She started out excited and ready for fun because she loves inflatables - until she walked into that room. Then, she suddenly became overwhelmed and refused to talk to anyone. I had to drag her into the room where they put all the gifts and then try to convince her to go play with all the rest of the girls from her class on the inflatables. She refused, almost in tears, and I was getting more and more frustrated and ready to just leave. Finally, I found an inflatable shaped like a firetruck that was empty and she decided to get brave and go down the slide on that one. She enjoyed it. So, she went again. And loved it. And from them on out, she had a ball. As a mom, I worry so much about her shyness because I remember how few friends I had. I don't want that life for her. So, I try to encourage her in as many activities as possible to give her more ways of making friends. So I was thrilled when she finally decided to not just play on the empty inflatables but to try playing with one or two girls from her class. Finally, by the end, she was running around with them. So, needless to say, there was nothing more thrilling than watching my little girl run around with some of the girls in her class! So, it was a good day of firsts.

By the way, she didn't miss a single word on her spelling test! GO ANN CATHERINE!!

Another Birthday!

August and September are full of birthdays for us in our family. It kicks off with Brian's birthday, goes on to Grandpa's birthday, then we have Brian's dad's birthday and then on to my grandmother's birthday. And, of course, we manage to sprinkle in three wedding anniversaries and even Grandparent's Day as well. So, we have LOTS to celebrate during these two months! (And, even more importantly, the count-down begins to Ann Catherine's birthday!! She won't let us forget that it's coming up!!)

Anyway, our most recent celebration was last Saturday for Brian's dad. I love to surprise people and came up with the idea to surprise him with a trip to the local car museum. We had never been there before but have wanted to go for several years. Well, this year, we decided to surprise him with a trip out there. And it was wonderful!! Even the kids had a ball! The best thing about this car museum (other than their REALLY low admission price) is that they have a kids' play area. Personally, I think that was the best idea in the world. I actually got to enjoy taking my kids out in public for once!! They played and the adults switched off watching them while the rest of us walked around the museum with Pappy. I loved it! I actually got to enjoy exploring a museum without any of the stress of trying to figure out how to entertain my children and keep them out of trouble!! Of course, the only down side to the play area was that, even though it was exclosed, there was an open entrance in it (probably to prevent parents from just leaving their kids and exploring the museum without any adult supervision). But you know it - my very smart son managed to find the entrance and found lots of joy over running down the ramp to the main museum floor and watching all the adults try to chase after him. Other than that though, it was a ball. I had to include some pictures of course. Will had fun putting gas in his little play car before trying to ride IT down the ramp! And Ann Catherine had a ball learning how to drive! Of course it was a video game car that she could drive. Luckily, it didn't actually move anywhere! Trust me, you don't want this kid behind the wheel of a car ANYTIME SOON!! I watched her and she not only couldn't stay on the road, but she managed to turn the car completely around and was driving the wrong way on the course! She even got "hit" by several of the other cars! But she loved it. So, needless to say, for all of my family who decides to visit me on occasion, we now have a new touristy place to take you! So be ready!

GO TITANS!!!!!!!

You know when you are a kid, you think that your parents are immortal. As my parents get older, I realize more and more that they will not be around forever. My father and I have not always been so close. Growing up, we had little to do with each other. Only in the last few years, have we started doing things where it was just the two of us. When I was given the opportunity to take my father to a Titans game (thanks Becky), I jumped at the chance to spend some time with him. It just so happened that the Titans were playing a home game two days before his birhtday, and Amanda's friend Becky had two tickets that she couldn't use. We had a great time made all the better when the Titans won (GO TITANS!!!!!).