Almost There!

It's a strange feeling knowing that we'll be standing at Epcot this time tomorrow. Actually, I guess we'll still be driving but close enough. I guess what's strange about it, though, is the fact that it doesn't feel like it's time to go yet. I just don't have that same excitement that I had on our last trip. That's bothered me for the past couple days as I was packing because I had been so excited I could hardly breathe when we first booked this trip. But I think I've finally figured out what's caused me to lose that excitement along the way.

We first started talking about this trip back in late July. Actually, I was thinking about it but not daring to wish that it could be a reality. But just to convince myself that we couldn't afford it (and without Brian's knowledge of what I was doing), I filled out an online quote form for a travel agency that specializes in Disney vacations. And when the response came back with the quote, I just jokingly mentioned it to my sweet hubby while having a lunch date at the local KFC. I remember that date. It was rainy and I had a hard time not falling on the slippery floors. The restaurant was empty but the drive-thru was full. I guess no one wanted to brave getting out in the rain. But, despite the dreary day, I jokingly told Brian what I had done and the quote I received. And he jokingly said that we should go. And then we started giggling. Maybe it was the heavenly scent of the fried chicken or maybe it was because we often feel like college-age kids once again every time we go to a fast food place for a lunch-time date. Whatever it was, that Disney magical spell started to weave it's way around us as we sat there giggling like little kids and suddenly the planning became a little more real and a little bit more of a possibility. And, before we left that date, it finally became a definite go.

So I've been excited and have started planning and dreaming and setting aside our vacation stuff as the past couple of months went by. But somewhere along the way, my little boy got sick. And then he got well, and then...well, you know the story. It's not been a fun ride. And while I try to remain optimistic about the not-so-great test results we've received and the necessity of making an appointment for a clinic whose name sounds so scary to me, the reality is that there are moments where I'm a little afraid. I'm a little afraid of what we could be told. I'm a little afraid of the unknown causes of these strange fevers and sore throats. And while I convince myself as much as possible that it's all going to be fine, the fact is that I'm still a little afraid. So I think that's stolen some of my joy and excitement.

When the latest fever popped up worse than the others a couple weeks ago, I knew that there was a strong possibility that our trip would be postponed until next summer. And while I was still glad that we'd be able to go, the possibility that the event we've all been so excited about for the past couple months was going to be cancelled just broke my heart. For the past couple weeks, we've toyed with the idea of just going ahead and postponing it and we've gone back and forth on what's best to keep our son in good health. Finally, we decided to make a game-time decision. We were going to pack like we were going but keep in mind that we may not. The final decision wouldn't be made until the day we were going to leave. And so, with that in mind, I think I've let the excitement slip away from me. I didn't want to get my hopes up just to have them dashed at the last minute. So I've protected my heart a little and focused completely on keeping my son well.

But today was the day. Game Day. The day we leave. The day to do the online check-in with the resort. The day we had to make that ultimate decision.

As we gathered those last few belongings this morning, Brian looked at me and asked that looming question, "Did Will's fever pop up in the middle of the night?" "Nope," I said. But that still wasn't good enough. We know the trickiness of our son's fevers all too well. So this morning, as I was opening up Disney's website at my desk, I called Brian. I knew Will was up and eating his breakfast by now. So I called Brian with the final question. "Did Will wake up with a fever this morning?" "Nope," said Brian. "OK, then I'm doing the online check-in," I told him. "Go ahead," he said.

So we're officially going. The bags are finally packed, the online check-in is done. All we have to do now is muddle through our workday, pick up the kids, throw the bags in the car and go. But I'm still not excited yet. I guess I'm waiting on that phone call from my in-laws to tell me that the fever is suddenly back. I'm waiting on the doctor to call me and tell me that we shouldn't go. After so many weeks of waiting and watching, I guess you can't blame me.

But the one thing I know is this: as long as I don't get a call from my in-laws or the doctor, that joy and excitement will come back again. It may show up the minute we put on seat belts and start driving south. It may show up as we get up in the morning and leave the hotel to finish the trip to the World. It may show up when we get to the Resort. Or, it might just wait until the moment I see that giant silver ball tomorrow afternoon. All I know is at some point in time, I will be excited once again. Breathtakingly excited. I may still be watchful over my son and I may use more bottles of hand sanitizer than I've ever used in my life. But regardless, I will be excited yet again.