Change

I'm sorry. I know it's not the popular answer. But I don't really like change. I like my routine. I like normalcy. It soothes my soul. Change makes my shoulders scrunch up with stress. And then I have to visit my favorite masseuse. Then again, maybe change isn't such a bad thing after all!

I must admit, though, that change to my routine has given me some of the best gifts in life. I gave in to change when I married my best friend. I welcomed change with open arms and an excited heart with the birth of each of my children. I've changed churches, changed worship styles, changed volunteer and ministry opportunities, changed friends, and changed my schedule as my kids have grown. And all of those, while forcing me to go through a period of adjustment, gave me some wonderful things in my life.

And now I'm changing yet again. Changing jobs.

This will only be my fourth job change since graduating from college. When I graduated, I was sure I wanted to go into counseling and knew I needed my masters in order to go down that career path. But I was so burnt out on school that I knew I needed a break. So, instead, I accepted a job as an Admin Assistant at a counseling center. I figured this would give me some good experience in the counseling world and I'd be surrounded by counselors to help mentor me into that field. I spent almost five years there and was actually promoted into a position in the Managed Care department. Well, "promotion" is a little misleading. It was in a different department but, ultimately, I was still the Admin Assistant to the Managed Care Coordinator. I loved that job so the change didn't bother me. But then the company was bought out and this new company didn't see a need for me where I was. So they kind of "created" a random job for me to do. I guess they liked me enough to keep me. But I hated that change. I didn't like the new company, I didn't like their new policies and procedures, and I HATED that job they stuck me in. That was pretty much the end of my desire for a counseling job.

And just about that time, I was approached by someone at our church. They knew my background in music and they knew my love for my church; and they suggested that I apply for a newly opened job at the church. My new title was Ministry Assistant to the Minister of Music at our church. That's really just a glorified title for an Admin. Assistant.

I loved that job. I loved getting to work with the Minister of Music and I loved getting to know each and every one of our choir members. They became my family in a way. And the older members especially were dear to my heart because they'd come visit me in my office, they'd compliment my work, they'd give me hugs. They were warm and reminded me of my grandparents. And they made that job so worthwhile.

And then came a few changes at our church. The pastor left. The Children's Minister left. And people's attitudes began to change. I guess they didn't like change any more than I did. So I grew unhappy there and felt like God was closing the door for me there. And then I was suddenly approached by a very good friend who mentioned a job opening at the corporate office for his employer. He knew my background and thought I'd be a good fit for the job. So I gave him permission to pass along my resume and got the job a month later.

I was now the Sales & Marketing Assistant at the corporate office of a fitness equipment retailer. My title, yet again, was a glorified title for Admin Assistant. But this time I would be assisting a couple of VP's. I loved my job. I loved the people I worked for and the people I worked with. It had its difficult moments but I could tell that I was in the place God wanted me to be.

Until last year. Last year, my boss left, and I had a new boss. And then he left and I had another new one. And this company had change after change in the span of one year. And I started feeling more and more uncomfortable. And then the economy hit. Or, more likely, it crashed. And we felt it. Big time. And about a month ago, I started to feel God closing the door for me at this office yet again.

And during this year of being uncomfortable and trying to adjust to the changes, I started to feel something different. I wasn't happy anymore. I didn't want to be an Admin Assistant anymore. I had always worked in companies where there were only two types of employees: Admin Assistants and the Executive Staff (VPs, Ministers, Counselors with licenses after their names). For seven years now, I've even pretty much had the exact same salary. No changes there. And no possibilities of promotions. I've hit a spot where I wanted more. I wanted to be able to use my diploma. I wanted to know that I had done four years of college work for SOMETHING. I wanted a title OTHER than Admin Assistant.

And then I had a friend whom I've known since college approach me. And she suggested that I apply for a position that had opened up in her department. I knew God was closing the door for me at this corporate office, so I went ahead and gave her my resume to pass along and put in the application online. Her boss called me a couple days later and we talked for about ten minutes. I liked her immediately. And I was intrigued by the job she was considering me for. There was one small hiccup: the job was temporary. She's put into the budget for it to become permanent but she won't know if that will come to be until June or July when the budget is approved. I could tell she was concerned, suggesting that she hated to take me away from a permanent, stable job to come into a job that she couldn't promise would become permanent. And a God moment happened. I opened my mouth and felt words spilling out of my mouth. Not my words since they weren't a reflection of the concern and slight panic in my heart. "Well, if you had asked me a year ago, I wouldn't have even considered it. But right now, given the economy and how hard things have gotten over here, I really don't think this job I'm in now is any more stable or permanent than what you're offering today." And while they weren't my words from my heart, my heart recognized it as truth.

She said she'd call me a week later. And she did. On Tuesday afternoon, she called me and offered me the job. No interview or anything. She reminded me yet again that she couldn't guarantee that this job would become permanent although, but given the growth and stability of her department, she felt strongly that it would become permanent. And then she gave me a little bit more news; as long as it was temporary, I'd have to take a pay cut. Not much of a cut, but a pay cut nonetheless. Plus, no benefits until then. So I'd have to take a small pay cut and find my own insurance. Then again, the suggestion of what she could offer after it became permanent made me knew it'd be worth the wait if I could just make it past the temp period.

There's something else I should tell you. The company I was considering? It's with Vanderbilt University Hospital - the 2nd largest employer in the state. It's a company I'd always wanted to work for but never thought I could get into. Their benefits are so awesome that people work hard to get in and then work harder to stay in. You have to KNOW someone to get in the door. Plus, if anyone could offer me a challenge and the possibility for advancement in my career, it would be this company. So getting a chance to get in the door, albeit while only on a temp basis, made me seriously consider this job.

So I prayed, made a decision based on the call I felt in my heart, and second-guessed myself, and prayed some more. I'm good at hearing God's voice and then doubting that I heard God's voice. So the morning of the day I promised to call this woman back, I drove my son to daycare and then got a call from my dear husband as I was driving on to work. He asked me what my decision was. We hadn't talked about it that morning, but he finally had a moment away from kids and thought he'd ask. I told him that I thought I heard God's answer, but I was second-guessing myself. And then I went silent. I thought about talking more, but then I felt God telling me to be silent. I often talk over Brian but there are times where I hear God telling me to be silent. To listen to Brian and let his words sink in. You have to know my husband to understand, but this man doesn't often make decisions on his own. He allows me to make his decisions. He allows his parents to make his decisions. He allows his coworkers and friends to make decisions. It's not intentional on any of our parts to take over. But he has a hard time making up his mind and find it easier to allow others' words and suggestions to guide his own decisions. It's just the way it is. But this time, I find myself sitting silent. And he finally gave me his suggestion from the bottom of his heart. He admitted her fear over the money it'll take to cover my own insurance policy. He admitted his fear over the insecurity of not knowing if it'd become a permanent job. But then, he said something else, "Amanda, I think you should take this job." When my husband tells me that he's ignoring his fear of the insecurity of life during these next few months and suggests that I go forward with what is basically a gamble, I knew I needed to listen. And I knew he was right. And what he said lined up with what I had felt God tell me all along. Five years ago, we survived a year without a job for Brian. On paper, it shouldn't have worked. Our budget was always in the red. So we had to throw away the budget and move forward day by day. And we survived a year like that. Only God could have carried us through that year. And what was four months when you compare it to that year. And if this job didn't turn into permanent, we knew that God would carry us along just like He did five years ago. We simply had to trust Him.

So we trusted Him and I accepted the job.

So, in two weeks, I will be making a MUCH longer commute to head to work downtown once again. I'll be working in the Nursing Education area as a Program Coordinator. Can I tell you more about it? No, not really. Remember, I didn't get interviewed. And I never went down there. I have no idea where I'll be working and I'm only vaguely clear on what I'll be doing. I know it involves their department's website somewhat. I know it involves learning a new computer program and putting stuff into the computer. I know I'll be working with nurses. I know that my friend Lori will be across the hall. I know I'll be working for an incredible company that has awesome benefits. Beyond that, I have no idea. I just know that God is telling me to go, so I'm going. And I'm really looking forward to it!