OK, we're not under attack - I am.
Satan has been attacking me personally with a venegence over the past few month. I'm tired in body, tired in spirit, depressed, frustrated, scared, and feeling incredibly overworked and overwhelmed. My to-do list is way too long and I don't even know where to begin. I'm scared about our family's financial problems. Worst still is that suddenly some of my emotions and thoughts and fears which I haven't felt since I was in high school almost 15 years ago are suddenly reappearing in my head and its causing a depression I haven't felt since high school. And that scares me the most because I don't like who I was back then. I've really tried to figure out where this is coming from and I think some of it comes from loneliness. I've changed jobs a couple times and have left behind some of my closest friends both times so I rarely see them anymore. My husband is working two jobs four nights a week and we go to church another night where we're in seperate activities so I only have my husband to talk to two nights a week. It's sad and it's really scaring me.
The good news for me personally, which manages to cheer me somewhat, is the knowledge that Satan only attacks when we're doing something right. I'm guessing that he's choosing to attack me now because I've suddenly managed to maintain a daily devotional for over a month now. I decided to rejoin my women's Bible study on Wednesday nights and I'm really enjoying the study we're doing so I've done a really good job of going through the daily study in the Bible study book. It also has me reading my Bible faithfully every morning which I could never seem to find the time for in the past. Granted, I'm putting on my makeup at the same time for the first few minutes and then I'm sitting on the toilet (with the lid down, of course) to finish up the study and pray. That may not be a very pleasing thought for some people but it's the only private place I can go in my house (and usually that's not even private but my kids happen to be asleep at the same time so they won't come barge in!). Fortunately, I don't think God cares about my choice in location. I'm hoping He's just pleased that I'm finally working hard to make room for Him on a daily basis. Unfortunately, I think Satan has taken notice and he's working hard to attack my focus and dedication. So, even though I know I normally try to fill my blog with stories of my precious children and the wonderful things they are experiencing, I'm writing today because I need prayer. Well, my family needs prayer too since they have to put up with me right now! And since I know that the only people reading my blog are the ones who care about me and my family, I know you wouldn't mind keeping us in your prayers. So, in advance, I say thank you and I love you!
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My dear Amanda,
I'm going to call you anyway, but wanted to put this on here so that every time you open this up, you'll remember that I'm praying for you. And very proud of you. I remember how very hard it is to balance family, work, children (yeah, that's slightly different from family - it's individual time with them) and still find time to read your Bible. I think God is very pleased that you are being so creative in finding a way and time to spend time reading the Bible and praying. (This might be a great topic for one of Julie's parenting topics for the magazine -creative ways that working mothers have found time to spend alone with God...when there is no alone time to be had!) You're right, too, that the attacks seem to come when we've actually had a success, as you have with your Bible study time. Hang on. God's hanging on to you. I love you.
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